


From Eden

by redroses100



Series: Two Corpses We Were [4]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, Anal Sex, Angst, Arguments, Biting, Developing Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Not Beta Read, Sexual Content, Vampires, explosion of feelings, shit hitting the fan at last
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-04-06 11:19:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14055819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redroses100/pseuds/redroses100
Summary: After a chat with Kadota which revealed to Shizuo just how much Izaya is still hiding from him, the blond decides enough is enough. It's time to fucking talk! And he's not gonna take no for an answer! Even if it means more blood spilled than usual.OR the last of the vampire au!





	From Eden

**Author's Note:**

> Time to scream at each other because what are emotions??? Sounds fake, Shizuo, but okay??

Innocence died screaming, honey ask me I should know. I slithered here From Eden just to sit outside your door…

 

Izaya is folding laundry when I find him. It’s such a mundane thing, so out of place in the image I’ve always kept of him. I guess I always assumed he made Yagiri-san do it for him. Or maybe that he just threw away clothes after he’d worn them once and bought new ones. Something extreme, like that.

At least he’s just as surprised as I am right now. He blinks at me, then looks at the clock hung on the wall of his bedroom, then back. It’s pretty easy to tell what he’s thinking.

I barely left this room three hours ago, while Izaya was whining about wanting to stay in bed. Even though he practically never sleeps. He’s just lazy as fuck.

“Shizu-chan…” He starts, obviously trying to figure out what I’m doing here, without just asking me. I close his bedroom door behind me, trying not to seem threatening. Or angry. Or anything negative. I don’t want him to get nervous, when all I really want to do is talk. I want him to talk to me for once.

But there must be something about me that tips him off that it’s a serious matter. It’s probably how hard I’m trying to seem normal. Or maybe the fact that I still haven’t said anything.

Whatever it is, the second the door clicks closed, I can see him tense up.

“How was your morning?” I ask, trying to ease the air a little. This backfires on me when he only narrows his eyes suspiciously.

“Fine.” He states, curling his fists in the shirt he was about to start folding.

“Good!” I rush to assure him. “That’s good! I had a kind of weird morning, myself. So I’m glad yours was fine.” My babbling feels incredibly stupid to me, but it does make him relax a little.

I guess me being an idiot is a comfort to him. Great.

“Weirder than whatever this is?” He jerks his head at the space between us- the space I’ve left between us in case he should start to feel like a cornered animal.

“Yeah, a bit.” I huff. He frowns, carefully stepping to the side so he can go back to casually folding clothes, but still keep an eye on me.

“So what, do you want an award? Weirdest Morning for a Monster to Ever Have award?” Izaya suggests. I sigh, slowly closing the distance between us, but veering off to the side at the last second to sit on his bed and not invade his space. He watches me like a hawk as I pretend to get comfortable.

“I think it would look nice in here. On the dresser maybe, next to your award. The Sarcastic Asshole With the Worst Ever Coping Skills award.” I get a snort of laughter for this, but it’s way too resigned to make me feel better.

I watch him fold for a minute, marveling at his effortless system. It’s clear he’s used to doing his own laundry- something which I still can’t wrap my mind around. Izaya. Doing laundry. Weird.

But weirder is the way he looks perfectly content doing it. He’s not bitching because of the tedious process or anything. He’s just…folding his clothes. Existing before my eyes, but still looking like some parallel reality of the Izaya that I thought I knew.

He’s nothing like the shithead I took him to be that first day at Raijin.

I mean, he is. He’s destructive and ill-intentioned and just generally shitty. But I don’t think it’s for fun and giggles. And I don’t think that’s all there is to him.

I wish I had realized all that sooner. Way sooner.

“I can hear you being disgustingly sentimental.” Izaya’s face has twisted up into a grimace. I huff a laugh at the sight of him. He’s trying so hard to piss me off, or at least annoy me. But he looks so cute. Like a kitten trying to be a lion.

“My apologies, oh emotionally stunted one.” I drawl. He rolls his eyes, but his shoulders do relax a little more from the familiar banter. I sigh again, forcing myself to accept that this has to happen. I have to do this. And I have to do it now. “I saw Kadota this morning. When I went to Ikebukuro.”

Izaya glances at me, clearly unimpressed. “You’re absolutely right, that is the weirdest thing to ever happen. I never ever would have imagined you’d run into him in the city where he lives. And works. And where all his friends are. And-”

“Shut the fuck up, Izaya-kun.” I growl. He smirks to himself, clearly pleased. I force myself to take a deep breath and keep it together. “The weird part wasn’t seeing him, it was what we talked about.” I allude.

If he has any suspicions, or concerns about this topic, he sure as hell doesn’t show them. He looks so bored by the apparently trivial conversation. By all appearances, he’d probably have more fun watching beige paint dry.

“Please tell me you weren’t comparing kinks. Because, speaking from experience, I think you might win.” Izaya’s sultry tone might at any other time make me abandon this story in favor of a more exciting pastime. As it is, the temptation to forget about the subject for now and maybe fuck him into a more relaxed mood is strong. Too strong.

“You’re hilarious.” I mutter dryly.

“I’m a fucking riot.” He amends, taking a pile of shirts to his closet. I shift a little while he has his back turned to relieve some of the pressure in my slacks.

“Whatever you need to tell yourself, Izaya-kun.” I aim for utterly dismissive, but he’s still smirking when he reappears to grab another pile of clothes. He casually sorts the rest of his folded laundry away, looking completely unconcerned. When I first showed up, he was tense as a rock. I wonder which is the truth, and which is the act he thinks I’m expecting to see.

“So did Tom fire you, or are you just taking a very early lunch break?” I snap out of my thoughtful trance when he flicks my forehead on his way to the door with his empty laundry basket.

Before I fully process the action, I’m up and grabbing him by his arm- pulling him to a stop and incidentally making him drop the basket as well. I don’t want him to leave. If he leaves now, I might not be able to convince him- or myself- to just fucking talk about this.

Right now, I have him by surprise. I’m in his space, when I’m absolutely sure he thought he would be alone all day. Why else would he be doing something as mundane as laundry? And even if he’s not showing it, I know my breech into his personal time has thrown him off.

And, well, the only time to get honesty from Izaya is when he’s thrown off. Before he has time to recover fully. Which means this might be my only chance in the near future to really break through to him.

I can’t lose it.

“What?” Izaya asks sharply, glaring at my hand on his arm like it’s personally offended him. It probably has.

“We didn’t talk about kinks.” I tell him dumbly. He raises an eyebrow. “Kadota and me. That’s not what we talked about.”

“No shit. I thought you knew how to decipher my sarcasm already, Shizu-chan.” He tries to jerk away from me. I keep my grip firm. His gaze flicks up to mine, searching my face. For the first time he seems to worry that this talk might be more than he’d normally be willing to deal with.

“Tell me about how you became a vampire.” It comes out as more of a demand than a request. Which means he’s instantly bristling with irritation and defensiveness.

“Why should I?”

“Because I’m asking. And you promised you’d answer any question I had about vampire shit.” I remind him. Which isn’t exactly smart of me. He does not like reminders like this. I know he’s been trying, sometimes really hard, to accept the responsibility of having turned me. But it’s difficult for him. Especially in moments like this, when I rub it in his face.

It makes him even more prickly than normal. Which is quite the achievement. “Knowing about my past will make no difference to your present.” He all but snarls.

“You don’t know that. There could be so many things that would help me in the long run that you think are unimportant, because you’re used to them!” I insist, rephrasing Kadota. Which may have also been a bad idea.

Izaya’s eyes widen for a moment before narrowing to slits. “Just go ask your best friend Dotachin, then. Seems like he has no problem telling you about my business already.” I swallow thickly around the knot in my throat.

“He didn’t tell me anything personal, just-”

“Just about my upbringing. And the special circumstances of my birth. And who knows how many of my private thoughts that I shared with him under the- apparently delusional- assumption that they would stay private.” He’s hissing at this point. Almost livid.

“Izaya, come on, don’t-”

“No no, I’m glad you found someone to be honest with you! Since you obviously can’t trust that I’m telling you all the things you need to know, and only withholding the personal shit! Heaven forbid I should want to keep any part of my life secret from someone who would have gladly stopped my heart if I hadn’t stopped his first!”

“Izaya stop. Don’t try to make me angry just because you’re feeling cornered. You know that-”

“Right, my bad. I should know better. I need to tiptoe around you, like I always have!” He jerks hard against my hold on his arm. So hard I’m almost afraid he’s going to wrench his arm right out of its socket. He’s strong enough to do that, even if he’s not strong enough to slip completely out of my grasp.

“Stop it! You’re going to hurt yourself!” I snarl at him. The harsh tone probably does nothing to help right now, but it’s not like a soft approach would go over better.

“Like you give a fuck! A broken arm wouldn’t interfere with your feeding schedule, don’t worry.”

“That’s not why I’m worried! I don’t care if I can’t feed off of you, that’s not what this is about!”

“Then fucking let me go, if you’re so concerned! Let me go, monster!”

Turns out I was wrong. Izaya is still very capable of making me angry.

And I’m still very capable of acting on that anger.

It’s been a long time since I’ve thrown Izaya. Or shown any aggression towards him. It’s both a defeat and a relief to physically toss him across his room; and to watch him crumble against the wall. It’s exhilarating. Powerful.

But the look on his face doesn’t feel good at all.

There are a few things that pass across his expression while the shock of my action is still fresh. There’s fear, betrayal, then fury. But all emotion vanishes within ten seconds, once he’s processed everything. When he does, his walls come up and he just stares at me with the most level, dead eyed look I’ve seen in a long time.

“Fuck…” I sigh, rubbing my eyes for a moment. “I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to fight.” I insist to him. He stares at me, or through me- I can’t really tell. “Izaya just-” I step towards him. He flinches. “Just…”

Fuck! This is exactly what he’s been expecting. He’s been waiting for me to turn on him, like I would have less than a year ago. Which only makes me feel worse as I watch him. He’s standing tall, but leaning so heavily against the wall behind him that I’m almost worried.

But it’s Izaya. He always bounces back. And right now, he’s bouncing back with a vengeance.

“Now I’m glad I didn’t let you feed last night. Getting thrown by a full strength beast like you would definitely hurt more now than it used to.” He snarls it all, probably on the off chance that some of it could come out as a whimper.

“Don’t fucking start that-”

“What are you going to do about it, Shizu-chan?” It’s a challenge more than anything. I can’t help thinking he wants me to snap. He wants me to beat him or bite him or even fuck him- just so that he could have the validation of being right. Izaya would provoke the devil himself to get his way in the end.

I can’t let him turn me into the devil. Anymore than he already has, that is. “Nothing. Not a damn thing.” I sneer instead.

He looks stumped for half a second before rolling red eyes at me. “You’ll forgive me for doubting you.” His head lulls back against the wall behind him, and suddenly he looks the picture of a pitiful, wounded child.

Pitiful? Yes. Child? Absolutely. Wounded? I’m not sure. I’ve never known how much I can trust of what Izaya shows. That divide between truth and acting has never been so blatant as it is right now.

I could throw that in his face. I could use it as part of my point. If he would just communicate with me, and let his guard down a little, we wouldn’t be doing this right now! It’s really his fault it came to this!

But that’s not the way to win with Izaya. That’s just the path to creating a bigger argument. And being kind won’t get me anywhere either. Not after I physically attacked him.

Fuck, why did I do that?

“I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to hurt you- if I did.”

“What did you mean to do then? I don’t think people casually throw other people across the room if it’s not with the intention to hurt them.” I resist the urge to rub my face. I don’t really want to take my eyes off him. Just in case.

I’m stronger than him- probably always have been, even before being turned. But he’s faster. Always has been.

“I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking. I’m an idiot, after all.” Maybe appealing to his vanity will help. He’s always telling me how smart he is, and how dumb I am. I know most of the time it’s just teasing for the sake of teasing. But I also know it’s the truth, as much as I hate admitting it.

“You are an idiot.” He agrees with a huff. “Who loses months of effort pretending to be so composed and calm, all over something so stupid?”

I clench my jaw so hard it starts to ache. But I refrain from correcting him, and telling him it’s not stupid. This whole thing is not stupid. I’m dumb, but wanting to know about his past isn’t.

I’m trying to decide what the best way to broach the subject is when I hear his little murmur of, “You almost had me fooled too.”

“Excuse me?” My growl slips free before I can think better of it.

Izaya glances up at me through the fringe of his hair. There’s still vulnerability all over him- both real and fake. But his gaze is ice cold, and as real a force as my own punches. “I almost believed that things were different now.”

“They are.”

“No. They’re not.” He immediately drawls. “Because people never really change, Shizuo. I rewrote you down to your fucking DNA, but nothing really changed. Except your libido.”

I feel like I’m practically vibrating with anger. And also hurt. It hurts to hear him talk like this. It hurts to feel his doubts. And I want to dish that pain back at him so badly. But I can’t do that.

“Fine, you’re right.” I sneer. His head cocks to the side, almost looking intrigued. Mostly looking condescending.

“You always were impossible to predict.” Izaya mumbles it. And not as a compliment. “You think admitting that I’m right will throw me off?”

“It already has.” I scoff. His lips purse in irritation- which is as close to validation as I’m going to get right now. “But you know, you do have a point. People don’t really change. Which means that I was right too. Cuz if we don’t really change, it means that I did want to be with you from the beginning- I just didn’t admit it to myself. And it took a life altering event for me to realize it.”

“You’re seriously dragging that old- and tired- justification out right now? When it has nothing to do with this?” Izaya drawls.

“It has everything to do with this! You’ve never believed me about it! Even though it’s been half a fucking year and my feelings haven’t changed- which means they’re not due to puberty or whatever the fuck you insisted on! And because you never believed me, you won’t tell me important shit. You won’t even tell me the difference between how we were changed.”

“It doesn’t fucking matter! We’re both vampires, that’s important! Whether or not I was bitten or spawned holds no relevance.” He almost sound exasperated enough to be honest. Almost.

But it’s Izaya. He’s hardly ever honest.

“I find it relevant!” I stress, and he rolls his eyes yet again. But he’s shaking ever so finely, obviously unsettled by this whole thing. He wants an escape in the worst way. I can’t let him though. Not for something like this. “I find everything about you relevant! I want to know things about you- even things you find stupid and trivial. I want to know how you were made, and about your coven and everything! Even the bad things! Even the rejections and the resentment! Everything!”

Izaya is looking at me with fear now. I don’t think he realizes he’s allowing it to show. I don’t think he could stop it if he did realize.

What I’m asking of him- the things I want him to be open with me about- it’s probably closer to intimacy than our fucking, in his mind. He can give me his body, though not always easily. But giving me his trust and his mind is a whole different level that I assume he’s never been willing to reach for.

“You’re being ridiculous.” He finally mutters at me, regaining some of his mask of indignation. “If I’ve chosen to keep something from you, it’s not because you’re not insistent enough about your feelings. It’s because I don’t want you to know something.”

“Because you don’t trust me.” I repeat.

“You’ve wanted me dead for years, Shizuo! And then you come along wanting every part of me- after only six months of possibly pretending to have changed your mind! Why should I trust you?!” His vehemence is honestly shocking, after the last few minutes of soft resistance.

In the ringing silence that his raw emotion has carved between us, I know there’s only one thing I can say. It’s not the right time. Not even close.

But on the other hand, it’s the way it was always supposed to happen, I think.

“I love you.”

Izaya is silent. And panicked, I think. Even though his face stays set in anger, his eyes are a little too wide. His breathing starts to pick up too- which really shows how upset he is at the moment. When it’s just the two of us, he doesn’t normally breathe. He finds it too human.

So to see him subconsciously falling back on his human upbringing; I know I’ve hit him where it matters with this confession.

But fuck, it wasn’t the right time for it. “I know that’s not what you want to hear. I haven’t brought it up before now because I know it’s actually pretty much the last thing you want to hear.”

Izaya doesn’t argue with this. He doesn’t even blink. He keeps his eye on me like I’m going to attack him again at any second.

“But you wanted a reason to trust me, so trust me because I’m in love with you. Like a lot. So much that I hate it most of the time.” I growl this out- surprised at the results. The anger in my tone has actually soothed him a little. It’s probably a small peek at the past for him. Something old and comforting, while broaching a subject that’s neither. “It’s the truth, Izaya.”

“I don’t believe you.” He immediately spits.

“That’s why I didn’t tell you.” I sigh, rubbing the back of my neck. “I knew…I know that it’s like pulling teeth trying to get you to accept the truth. Especially about shit like this. And especially after what I just did, throwing you like that. I’m sure there’s nothing I can really say to convince you. But…it is true.”

“Stop, just…” He shakes his head, taking a few deep breaths before pinning me with his crimson gaze. “It’s awfully convenient, Shizu-chan. Confessing your supposed love during the first real argument we’ve had since I changed you.”

“I know.” I admit easily. “I do know that…and I know you don’t trust me. No matter what, you’ll probably never 100% trust me. Even though all I’ve wanted from you since you turned me has been trust and maybe for you to return my feelings.” Which is asking for a lot from him, I know. That’s why I’m really trying not to sound condescending right now.

I don’t think it works. He still narrows his gaze at me, his chest and shoulders becoming uncomfortably still as I look at him.

“Look, Izaya, I can live without any of that. Your trust or love or whatever you’re uncomfortable with, I’ll survive if you don’t give those things to me. I’d rather make due and still have you, rather than force you to walk away because you can’t accept my demands.”

His brow scrunches, his lips twisting into a grimace. “Are you trying to guilt trip me?” He demands in a low growl.

I can’t help but to laugh. “No, I would never.” He doesn’t look convinced.

I’m not sure where things are standing right now. But I decide to take a chance and, very slowly and calmly, I start walking towards him. He eyes me carefully, but doesn’t immediately bolt. So I think that’s something, at least.

“I’m not you. Manipulation isn’t my style.” I tell him with a smirk. He scowls, but relaxes a little more against the wall behind him. What kind of twisted little shit gets more comfortable when people are mean to him? “Besides, it would never work- if I did try it. You’re not sentimental enough to be guilt tripped.”

Something close to indignation makes an adorable appearance on his face. His little pout is almost irresistible as I crowd in close to him.

“Is that a fact?” He mutters.

“Well, I don’t see you making any confessions here, Izaya-kun.” I purr. He points his little nose up in the air. “And I don’t expect you to.” I rush to assure him. “I’ll be happy without a confession, as long as I can keep having you in even small ways.”

He clings to silence again. Which I think is his equivalent of blushing- since I’m pretty sure vampires don’t really do that.

And I can’t pass up a moment like this. I gotta embarrass him more. “Can I keep having you, Izaya?”

His silence grows a little darker. A little heavier. Finally he swallows and gives me a bitter glare. “Are you seriously trying to seduce me right now? After the last ten minutes of hell?”

My smirk sharpens. “Well, ya know. Just trying to bring some levity in and all.” I aim for casual. Or the mockery of casual, at least.

“Oh I’m sure.” Izaya rolls his eyes so hard I wonder if he gets dizzy. But then his blood red eyes dart down and I’m a little too late following them. By the time he looks back up, his classic smirk is carved into his face to mirror my own. “And your boner has absolutely nothing to do with it.”

Well shit. I knew my rage boners would get me in trouble with him eventually. I’m honestly surprised it took this long.

“Absolutely not.” I assure him. Neither of us believes it.

“I’m still mad at you.” Izaya tells me, very firmly.

Two can play that game though. “And I’m still bitter with you.” I deadpan. “But I’m not gonna let that bitterness and my rashness ruin six months of baby steps. Well, more than it already has tonight.”

I glance to the side, watching my hand drift up the wall until it’s just beside Izaya’s arm. Right next to where I held him like a fucking vice earlier. My thumb starts to rub soft circles against the clothed skin. It’s a distraction- for the both of us.  I shouldn’t have done that- it all started with grabbing him like that. I should have tried for a little more control.

“Don’t fucking fall into self pity on me right now.” Izaya snaps, flicking my forehead to bring my attention back to the present. “It kinda kills the mood.”

It’s my turn to run my eyes over him, desperate for ammunition to keep up with him.

Thankfully, I manage to find some. “I think this-” my free hand palms firmly over the front of his jeans while he’s still concentrated on the slow sweep of my thumb over his upper arm. It catches him off guard, as does the fact that he’s got a boner too. “-says you’re lying.”

Izaya grabs for me immediately- his hands clenching on my shoulders and his nails digging in, seeking blood. They don’t bite through quite yet, but it’s happened enough that I can expect it now, given time.

“Playing dirty.” He huffs, squirming when I grind the heel of my hand into his dick with just enough force to walk the line of pain and pleasure. Just like he likes.

“Something I’ve learned from my gem of a maker. You know, since he won’t teach me other things with more relevance.” I grin pointedly at him.

“Shut the fuck up Shizu-chan.” Izaya immediately growls at me.

“Only if you give me something better to do with my mouth.”

I don’t wait for him to bitch, or surrender. I duck down to kiss him quiet, and he lets me. Even though the kiss is obviously packed with all the tension of our fight.

He is obviously still angry and indignant. And I am 100% still bitter and unsatisfied. But for now we need to direct that into fucking. Otherwise we’ll fall right back into old molds, and I don’t want to do that.

I don’t want to hurt Izaya. And I damn well don’t want to drive him away, like he’s been expecting me to. Because as infuriating and secretive and stunted as he is, I fucking love him. It pisses me off, but I love him.

And based on the way he clings to me while I rip into his clothes, he feels the same. Torn between wanting to kill me and wanting to ride me into the next morning. So there really is only one choice- at least for me.

I shed clothes while backing Izaya up to his bed. By the time I’m looming over him on his mattress, we’re both stripped just enough for the important stuff.

His jeans are dangling somewhere around his left ankle- I gave up after getting the right one free of the tight material. And my own slacks are wide open- his hand busy inside them while I work two fingers between his legs. All the while he bites at any exposed piece of skin he can find.

Izaya’s attention alternates between pumping one first around my dick and popping buttons of my shirt with the other hand. And the occasional break of both while he pants hard for air he doesn’t need in response to me preparing him.

“You keep biting me...just feed already.” I tell him roughly. He sinks his teeth into my neck again, but again it’s just a tease of a bite. He doesn’t break my skin. He just savages the flesh between his teeth until it blooms with a bruise that’ll be gone in a few minutes at most. I huff a little, burying my fangs into his carotid instead.

The body beneath mine falls still and open to me. All the tension he’s been clinging to melts away, allowing me to stretch him way easier. I’m still feeding on him when I pull my fingers away to line up my dick instead. And when I sink into Izaya’s body, he can only groan low in his chest and weakly scratch at my shoulders. I like getting him like this.

It’s my ace in the hole- feeding on him. He tries so hard not to be affected by it. Sometimes he even manages it. But he was too distracted by the fight to prepare himself for my bite. Which means he’s a puddle in my grasp.

I stop feeding once I’ve bottomed out, my hips pressed into Izaya’s ass. He scowls at me when I loom over him again, licking my lips for any drop of escaped crimson.

“Fucking cheater.” Izaya hisses.

“All’s fair and all that jazz…” I drawl, starting to thrust before he can brew any more poison.

I cling to him just as tight as he does to me. For every gasp and growl I pull from his throat, I’m replying with a moan or snarl. There are bites and scratches and I lose track of whose is whose. It doesn’t matter anyway.

What matters is the way he looks at me. There’s so much manic passion in his gaze that could definitely be rage, but I chose to believe is want. And the way he rocks up into my thrusts matters, because I chose to believe it’s a sign that he doesn’t fully distrust me- even if he doesn’t fully trust me either.

What matters is the way he doesn’t even flinch when I lick up the dried lines of blood on his neck. What matters is the fact that he doesn’t immediately snap my neck when I whisper, “I love you.” in his ear. He bitches and claws lines of red down my back, but he doesn’t pull away.

I’m sure it’s wishful thinking, but it feels like he even clutches me closer.

“I hate you.” Izaya seethes.

“I love you.” I growl.

He tightens deliciously around me, crying out beautifully when he comes. The vice of his cold body and the cadence of his broken moan trip me over the finish line too. I clench my hand tight in his hair while I empty into his body. When I have the sense to let my grip loose, his head flops to the side like it’s not even connected to the rest of him.

“It’s too early for this.” He pants against my chest.

“For sex?” I scoff. We’ve definitely done it earlier in the day. And later. And repeatedly within the same few hours.

“For feelings.” He corrects me. And yeah, that makes way more sense.

I pet his hair distractedly while I continue to wind down from the high of orgasm. Shinra once told me that make-up sex is the best kind. I was always too busy trying to punch him to really consider it. But…I get it now.

Not that this was make-up sex. You have to make-up before you can classify it as such. And all that our fucking really did was press the pause button. I know that. And yet, I don’t want to argue. I wish…that I could keep him soft and pliant without feeding on him or fucking him. I wish I knew how to navigate his mind well enough to keep him in this calm.

I guess I can only try and let the chips falls where they may. “I know you’ve been rejected a lot. And you’re just protecting yourself.” I murmur into Izaya’s feathery hair. He stiffens the tiniest bit, clenching around me like some kind of early warning system. It’s uncomfortable. But I’m not pulling away. Not yet. “I’m not going to reject you, Izaya. I’m not going to turn my back on you.”

I’m more than a little shocked when I feel him kiss the underside of my jaw. Just a sweet little peck. Just enough to raise the hair at the back of my neck.

“I…wish I knew how to believe you.” He admits in the softest, most ashamed little voice. The fact that he finds honesty- especially honesty about something so pure and simple- so shameful is heartbreaking. I melt a little more around him, trying to turn my body in a shield or maybe a blanket.

“Try starting small. Like…start with admitting that it’s way too late for my feelings to change because of vampire puberty.” I suggest. He huffs a little. Adorable.

“Fine. So I was wrong about puberty making you a horny fuck. Turns out you’re just a horny fuck any old day of the week.” He sneers pointedly. I roll my eyes- not that he can see. But maybe he can tell anyway, because his nails dig deep into my skin.

“I mean, you’re not wrong.” I drawl to try to make him laugh. It’s more than a little gratifying when he does. “But only for you. My boner is only an untamed beast for my shitty maker.”

“I’m honored.” Izaya deadpans dryly. I nuzzle him, and he curls into me tighter. If we get any closer we might just fuse into one being. I don’t care.

“I do love you.” I tell him. Maybe more reverently than I should. He’s shaking ever so finely. I kiss the top of his head repeatedly until he glances up at me and throws my repetitive action off.

“At least I…believe that you believe that.” He grumbles- obviously begrudgingly. But I can’t help the grin that curls up my mouth.

“See, baby steps!” I tell him excitedly. Izaya glares at my enthusiasm. “I’ll take what I can get.” I shrug none-the-less, tipping to the side to flop across his bed. I drag my protesting maker with me, cuddling him even while he continues to bitch and moan about it.

Finally though he falls still, curled into my side and trapped beneath the prison of my arm wrapped around him.

The quiet almost gets comfortable enough to let me doze off. And then, “My parents weren’t around a lot when I was a kid. And no one liked me, because humans have an inherent fear of things like me.”

I stay very quiet and very still. I am not going to chance losing this opportunity. Who knows the next time he’ll actually talk to me of his own volition.

“There were a lot of confrontations. A lot of embarrassments. Shinra broke the mold, but he’s a freak. It didn’t make me feel much better. And you…hated me on sight. There was no adjustment period where you slowly came to realize I was different. You just knew from the first moment.”

Nope, I can’t stay quiet, as it turns out. “I remember looking at you, and thinking how the sight of you made my blood race faster. And I had so many rage boners I had to work through after our first meeting. So of course, being the hot headed kid I was, I assumed it was because I hated you.”

“Yes yes, this old story.” Izaya sighs. I squeeze him a little.

“No, listen for once. I’ve told you over and over, but you never listen. I rejected you, but not because I thought you were a disgusting, inhuman creature or something like that. I rejected you because I misinterpreted my feelings. It was my fault. Not yours.”

I wonder if anyone has ever said that to him before. I wonder if he’s ever believed them if they have. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t believe me now. But he doesn’t argue either. Maybe he’s just too tired to argue right now.

“Anyway…it’s pretty stupid. Holding on to stuff like that. It was years ago.” He tries to sound unconcerned. Which is also heartbreaking.

“But I bet it still hurts.” I try to validate him. He’s quiet again. “You didn’t even have a stable coven to turn to, when you were going through so much rejection.” I’m mostly trying to convince him that he has a right to feeling upset. But I don’t realize how true my words are until they’ve left my mouth.

Holy shit. The only coven Izaya ever knew was hardly ever near him. No wonder he never broached the subject with me, he’s never really had experience with it. Not like Kadota. Not like most vampires who are turned, either.

He’s just as new to some of this as I am. Fuck. That’s probably a bad sign.

One of us should know what the fuck we’re doing, after all.

“Um…maybe we should…form our own coven. Not because I don’t want to be in your family’s. I just-”

“Yes.” I blink down at his scalp. He’s hiding his face in my chest, and I let him. I’m not going to make him face me. But I do start to pet his hair, and I very much enjoy the way he softens around the edges when I do. “Let’s do that. Make a coven.”

“Thanks.” I whisper. Izaya grumbles.

“I’m a horrible maker. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t say that.” I tug at his hair a little. Normally that would rile him up, even if only a bit. But he doesn’t even flinch.

“Why, is it only okay when you say it?” He challenges. I grind my teeth together so hard my jaw aches. But then- “Sorry. It’s gonna take some time for me to stop being shitty. Old habits, you know?”

Oh boy, do I. “Sorry.” I repeat after him. “Your life was so simple before I came along and made you actually face your emotions.” A little teasing might not be a bad thing right now. Based on his snort of derisive laughter, I think I was right.

“Yeah, how fucking dare you.” He agrees in a bored drawl.

“Well, ya know. Gotta make things difficult.” Izaya hums softly in recognition. I kiss his head. “I’m not going to reject you.”

“You don’t have to keep repeating it.”

“But I will. Every day if I have to.” I insist. He makes the most disgusted and affronted noise. I feel warm fondness grow in my chest. “I love you, Izaya.”

“Shut up, Shizu-chan.”

But he curls around me so tight I know he meant something else entirely.

I can live without a confession. Hell, I’d live without a roof over my head- slumming it on his doorstep- if it would prove something. I’d give up almost anything to show him I don’t need him to say a thing. I just need him.

As long as I have him- as long as he’s okay giving himself to me- I don’t need words or useless promises.

I have an eternity to get to that point. For now, I’m fine with just this. With him being so close to me, he’s practically my second skin. I’m fine with the taste of his blood on my tongue and cold of his body pressed in tight.

Because at least he’s here. He’s slowly opening up to me. And he’s slowly allowing himself to believe it when I tell him I care.

As long as our fights end up as well as this one, they’re worth it. The pain is rare, and the reward is sweet like the finest cherry sake.

Almost as sweet as Izaya’s blood.

Almost as sweet as the slow kiss he gives me.

Almost as sweet as the fact that I get to have this disaster of a creature forever.

And I damn well intend to.

**Author's Note:**

> i am so sorry this took so long for me to post! i won't make excuses, i'll just inform you that it's been a very busy few weeks for me and i've reached a new peak of exhaustion, mania, and self loathing. so if the ending seems a little rushed, it's literally just cuz i needed to finish it and post it before i actually jumped off a building. i am sorry. i really hope y'all liked it though!
> 
> thank you so much for reading! Love you all!


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